1. John Daly

Seriously. What do I have to say about John Daly. What's he do, roll from green to green? It may not kill you to lay off the booze and fried food John, but it's gonna kill ya if you don't.

2. Val Kilmer

Fatman! Dana Nana Nana Nana, Fatman! It appears Val has become vocabulary challenged or hard of hearing. He got the latest casting call for Batman confused with Fatman and apparently began preparing in earnest.

3. Linda Bollea - aka. former Mrs. Hulk Hogan

My guess is the ol' reliable Divorce Diet, combined with mid-life crisis, and NINETEEN year old boy-toy may ultimately have Linda lookin' Cougar Hot. But until then, enormous breast implants and circus make-up can only hide so much.

4. Amy Winehouse

Amy's obviously not obese but I don't think it's any secret she's made some pretty poor lifestyle choices. Let's start with the obvious; booze, drugs, cigarettes, lack of sleep, and poor (if any) nutrition. The good news, you've got plenty of choices for positive lifestyle changes. The bad news, you've got plenty of choices for positive lifestyle changes. Yikes!

5. Dean Cain

Dean? For crying out loud, you're Superman! Some of us take that shit seriously. Get off your ass! Nuff said.

6. Heidi Klum

Okay. I know what you're saying, "Heidi?" "Heidi Klum?" Yes, my friend, Heidi, Heidi Klum. Look, I know how fricking hot she is. Trust me - I'm not lacking on research with regards to this topic (perk of the job) But, I've seen some recent photos of Heidi that make me ask the question, "Would an ol' fashioned burger once in a while kill ya!" Bottom line, as of late, I think Heidi looks too thin. There, I said it.

7. Aretha Franklin

Here's the opposite end of the spectrum. If Heidi's too thin, then the material in just one of Aretha's tent/dresses could clothe a small village in China!

8. Raven Symone

Good look'n, full-figured gal who needs to get it together now, while she's young. Because the reality is, the longer you wait, and the more out of shape you get, the harder it is to get back on track. Raven's a pretty girl with a propensity for weight gain. Better start those healthy habits now!

9. Whoopi Goldberg

I find Whoopi to be an intelligent and thoughtful soul. But, the cookies, coffee and ass in chair time is addin' up. Keep it up and soon it won't just be The View, it'll be The Panoramic View!

10. Al Gore

This just in, scientists have conclusively confirmed that there is a direct relationship between Al Gore's belt line and global warming. It appears as the glaciers recede, Al Gore's midsection is expanding. Scientists are baffled but theorize it may be the result of (wait for it), Al sitting on his ass and eating too much. Radical huh?