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Really, what do I have to say? Just look at the guy. He's a walking, talking, poster child for angioplasty! I'll bet if you shook him enough his arteries would produce butter. He should be the spokesperson for Crisco. The Get-R-Done guy needs to GET OFF HIS ASS!
2. Peter Griffin - The Family Guy
Peter has the unique distinction of the first animated individual to make the list. But it's a title and honor for which he's well suited. Let's briefly go over the criteria; large belly - check, large ass - check, neck and head that appear as one - check, virtually no distinction between his wrist circumference and his forearm - check, "kankles"? (unclear but highly likely) - check, double chin (it's definately a double chin but what did the artist use as a model. his scrotum?) - check, favorite activity. sitting in the ol' Lazy Boy chair - check, and accurate representation of typical American. CHECK!
3. Jorge Garcia - LOST
Lost? Where? In Taco Bell? Damn Jorge! The Lost cast should just float you out and sail away. No man's an island but Jorge comes close. Damn close.
Ah yes, Mr. Fitness himself, the king of weight loss. Is it me or does Philly seem to be a little less the shining example of fitness than he'd have us believe? Is he in shape? To be honest, I can't tell. I searched his site and the web, but couldn't find a single picture of him with anything other than a suit and tie. He talks the talk. Is he walking it? I have my doubts but I'd love to be proven wrong. How about having me on the show Philly and we'll talk shop.
5. Rosie O'Donnell - The View
I don't know if I call her a view unless we're talking panoramic! She's hard to miss, especially when she's feuding with her twig co-star. Love her, hate her, who cares. bottom line she's plain ol' fat.
6. Beth Smith, aka The Dog's Wife
These are tough times for Beth. Her husband is taking a little vacation in a Mexican slammer! Yikes. Tough time's aside, Beth's got a little issue of her own. It's called the dinner table and it's where she appears to be spending a great deal of time. You'd think chasing bad guys would burn a few calories.
7. Kevin Michael Richardson - The Knight's of Prosperity
Is this show a winner? Who knows? I just couldn't resist a character called "Muscle". Muscle? Are you kidding me? This guy no more resembles muscle than Ashlee Simpson resembles a real singer.
8. Charlie Weis - Notre Dame Head Football Coach
I love football. I love everything about it except one large aspect. A whole lot of coaches are flat out FAT! I picked on Charlie, (sorry Charlie) but he's hardly alone. Look around the ranks of college and professional football and you'll find no shortage of fully qualified individuals waddling up and down the sidelines dreaming of their next victory, and maybe more importantly. their next chili cheese dog!
9. Mariah Carey
I had Mariah number eight in 2003, as "one to watch". The writing was on the wall and I predicted Mariah would soon be able fill her own spot. Forget about the pictures on her website. Those pictures have been "touched" more than Jenna Jamison's money maker. I now predict even bigger things from Mariah. You grow girl!
10. Nicole Richie
Every year I try to find one or two celebrities who aren't necessarily fat, but sure the hell don't exactly look the picture of health. They're not hard to find. Enter Nicole. A great example of the real Hollywood diet. drugs + booze + no exercise + no sleep = YUCK!