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1. Paris Hilton
What a joke. She's a twig! A twig with no shape, no form and no muscle tone. Okay she's not a blimp, but do you think she's healthy? She's a classic example of what I call, "skinny-fat" but she's also spoiled rotten, pampered, manner-less, tasteless, and an overall crying, whimpering, silver-spooner with all the chame of a Hollywood Hooker!P.S. Paris, keep your f$&king pants up! We're all tired of seeing your tired, saggy, 80-year-old-looking ass.
2. Uncle Kracker
There's only one explanation. Kracker ate his band. I've never seen his band, and every time I see Kracker he's bigger. He must be rationing them over time. Kracker, you've got a great voice and you're clearly talented. Why not be healthy as well?
3. Ron Jeremy
I like Ron's attitude. After watching him on MTV's Surreal World, I have a new appreciation for this smart and witty porn star. But Ron's built like a fat Hobbit. That might serve him well in casting calls for additional Lord of the Rings sequels but I gotta believe his day job could be enhanced with regular exercise.
4. Jack Black
You're funny, no question, but you could sneak in an Osborne family portrait and I'd have trouble telling your apart from Jack and Kelly! Come on Jack, you're too young and too rich to be so out of shape. Get Off Your Ass!
5. Charles Barkley
Loud, obnoxious, arrogant , pompous and FAT! Was he a great NBA player? Yes. However, for now he's just the big, fat, "round-mound" of commentating.
6. Wynonna Judd
I just haven't stopped crying since I saw Wynonna on Oprah. Poor thing. She's got a full time chef and trainer; and she just can't get in shape. Pleeeeeeeeease. Nobody's holding you down and stuffing Twinkies in you mouth!
7. Warren Sapp
He's fat. Plain and simple. At a NFL-stretched 6'2", and weighing over 300 pounds, Warren is NOT going to be pitching Subway anytime soon. I am not saying Warren isn't a good football player—because he is. What I am saying is he could be even better with a little supper-time discipline.
8. Kirstie Alley
Here's the deal. There's no question that being under the microscope of "stardome" is hard. Many celebrities just want the freedom to be themselves without the pressure of public opinion. That's certainly understandable. But forget about public opinion for a moment. How about being happy, healthy and fit… for YOU! And don't feed me that line of shit about being happy with yourself, because sister you aren't, and you know it.
9. Lil' Kim
In case you haven't noticed, Lil' Kim is a Lil' FAT! Lil' Kim isn't necessarily in dire straits yet, but at her height, ever a little weight gain can have a big impact. Maybe Lil' Kim should consider a new handle? How about… "Just a Lil' More of Kim" or "Not-so-lil' Kim"?
10. Donald Trump
I am sorry, I am just not a Donald Trump fan. But that aside, what's under those dapper clothes? Have you ever seen Donald in anything other than a suit? I haven't. He's hiding something and my bet is it's a flabby, saggy, billionaire body. Care to prove me wrong Donald??