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1. Jack and Kelly Osborne
Why is it in some photographs, I have a hard time telling these two siblings apart? And why is it that neither one can hold a candle to the conditioning of their parents? Lets face it, Sharon's a stunner, and daughter, Kelly, well lets just say... is a little thick. Good description for an NFL linebacker but not an up-and-coming pop star. And Ozzy, despite all the years of REAL body abuse, could still kick Jack's ass. Jack and Kelly, the poster children for todays' youth. God help us.
2. Howard Stern
What can I say? It's hard to really get on Howard's ass about his physical condition because I get the feeling he knows and just simply doesn't give a shit. Howard suffers from what I call the "skinny-fat syndrome". He's not visibly over weight, but if you tested his body fat, it would probably be high. It's a common affliction in "Starville". Tuley's prescription: Quit talking the talk and start walking the walk. Try being as hard on yourself and you are on your guests.
3. Leah from Long Island, New York - The Real World
According to MTV's Real World website, Leah from Long Island, N.Y. has the "world at her fingertips." That may be true, but apparently the world is high calorie and edible! Leah's another one of these (as I call them) skinny-fat people. At first glance, she isn't what any of us would call "obese", but I suspect her body fat percentage is way out of whack. If Leah really does enjoy the "finer things in life" as the show suggests, let's hope one of those things is a personal trainer.
4. Hillary Clinton
She's a former president's wife. And now represents the fine state of New York as a US Senator, but damn... 4. Hillary Clinton has ugly legs! Not disfigured mind you. Just fat. Fat with no shape. Unless you're talking chimney pipe. She's a talented, intelligent woman to be sure. But Hillary. how about squeezing a leg workout in between saving the country from the treachery of Republicans?
5. Kevin James
Great show, LARGE ass! And to top it off, his character has a hot wife. Have you noticed this disturbing trend? The trend of sitcoms having fat leading men and hot leading ladies. Definitely misleading. Kevin, get in shape! And take your entire male cast with you. Every guy on your show is a sausage away from a coronary.
6. Rueben - American Idol
Rueben, your voice is large but your ass is larger! Now that you're famous and the contracts, the endorsements, and the MONEY is rolling in, it's time to spend some of that money on your MOST important asset - and here's a hint - it ain't your voice. It's your health. Spend a little time, energy and money ensuring we are all able to enjoy that fabulous voice for years to come.
7. Jason Alexander - Seinfeld
Seinfeld may be the best TV comedy of all time. Awesome cast and great writing. My favorite character. George, Jason Alexander. Now granted it would be hard to imagine a fit, buff George, but our selfish needs and wants should never supersede an individuals health. Right? Right. I am not asking that you audition as Arnold's stunt double, Jason. A simple regime of regular exercise, a sensible diet and maybe just endorse KFC, not visit it regularly. Because despite what KFC's commercials say, it's still FRIED chicken!
8. Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey, you have a lovely voice. And as of right now, you're not bad to look at. But, every year you look a little "plumper". Not fat mind you, not obese - not yet, anyway. On a recent episode of MTV 's Cribs, you toured us through your exercise room. A place, by your own admission, you don't even know your way around! Start early, start soon, start NOW because it's coming Mariah. The writing is on the wall.
9. Kid Rock
Bob, for Christmas this year I am going to send you a Sears, 110lb, vinyl weight set. Because brother, you need it like the desert needs rain! I love your music but you are in some serious need of muscle to back up those lyrics. Any man who thinks he's all that. should be! Take a look at LL Cool J.
10. Britney Spears
Britney Spears a hot little body, but damn, what is she? 20? 21? She should! Why is it that being in the kind of shape you should, at twenty something, is now unique? Britney is physically, way and I mean wayyyyyyy over rated. There are some lines in her mid-section that resemble abs, but baby you've got a long way to go. Better start thinking of fitness as a lifestyle and workouts that revolve around more than crunches.